somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
