Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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