Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(678): View more from Georgia

I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.

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(630): View more from Illinois

she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her

Fav 11 6083 1254
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(678): View more from Georgia

I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly

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(513): View more from Ohio

2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.

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(719): View more from Colorado

I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.

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(563): View more from Iowa

This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA

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(443): View more from Maryland

The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.

Fav 1 661 1164
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(630): View more from Illinois

What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.

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(607): View more from New York

It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"

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