so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
