pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize