Cold hands, warm shart.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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