A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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