Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
