how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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