my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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