I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
