I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
