You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
