there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
