I CAN MOONWALK!
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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