Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
