I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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