After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
