Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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