apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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