Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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