i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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