i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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