weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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