Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
