I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
