ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
