I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
