Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
