I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
