I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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