I murdered the dance floor call the cops
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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