so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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