Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
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My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
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I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize