at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
