whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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