YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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