I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
