why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
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She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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