I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
