We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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