do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
