and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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