matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
