I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
we're making bets on your personal life
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
