My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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