grandma shit on top of the toilet
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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