No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
