woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
