The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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