We named our party play list daddy issues
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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