At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
