you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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