Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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