I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
