just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
