you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
