Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
