Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
