I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Alive.
So much puke
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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