Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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