based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
