Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
