My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
