Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
