At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
