put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
